Author: Kaliforniakati

Did you know that one in 10 people face massive difficulties forming romantic relationships? According to experts, several key errors contribute to such problems.

The biggest error is thinking there’s just one person who is “the one” and trying to find that person. Unrealistic expectations can ruin even the most promising of dating experiences.

Poor conversation skills and the absence of honesty on those first dates also rank among those biggest errors.

We’ve all been guilty of such mistakes but breaking the routine isn’t that difficult. You’ll simply need to adopt a healthy, productive dating pattern that will help you make the most out of every single interaction. Here’s how to do it.

Approach Each Encounter with Confidence

The moment you stop trying to find personal faults is the moment you begin enjoying the dating process.

Yes, you’re not perfect. Nobody is. Accept your imperfections, recognize them but don’t let them dictate everything you do.

Every single person is worthy of love and happiness. If you don’t believe that you’re deserving, you’re not going to get the warmth and affection that you want.

If you need to, go through some therapy or self-discovery before you start dating again. Approaching dating with confidence is an absolute essential to make another person open up and see you for who you truly are.

Stop Looking for the Universal Formula

So many online articles and communities attempt to tell you exactly what you need to do, what the dating formula is. Past a certain age, relying on such formulaic approaches will only lead to mediocre experiences.

If you’re looking for dating advice, stop! If you want to be given the step-by-step guide for attracting your soulmate, close the book or stop watching the video.

Great dating patterns are highly personalized to the situation. In fact, there isn’t such a thing as a dating pattern and it can only harm your quest.

Open your mind and respond to the person you’re meeting. A communication style that works one time isn’t necessarily going to be optimal the second time around. Have fun with it and change your experience on the basis of the dynamics. Once you stop trying to follow a set of prescriptions, you’ll find yourself having so much fun.

Enhance Your Communication Skills

A person who isn’t a good communicator isn’t going to benefit from fulfilling and highly satisfying encounters with others.

Communication skills do tend to improve with experience but sometimes, a bit of conscious work will be required to overcome insecurities and introversion.

Go on a couple of casual dates and experiment with asking different questions. How do people respond? When are you crossing the line and becoming too intrusive? Are the inquiries helping you learn essentials about the other person?

As a general rule, you should keep it lighthearted but still engaging. Learn to ask open-ended questions instead of “yes or no” questions.

Instead of asking someone you’re meeting for the first time “do you like rock music,” try to ask “what kind of music do you like.” It’s easy to spot the difference between the two approaches and how the second one can get someone to open up.

Stop Dating the Same Kind of Person

Some dating patterns are really detrimental and damaging.

Going for the same type is one such damaging behavior.

Having a type is very superficial and it limits the scope of your potential matches. You’re refusing to give someone a chance because of an arbitrary set of criteria that you’ve put in place for one reason or another.

Even if someone doesn’t seem to be your ideal partner from the very beginning, do go on a date. You may actually be surprised by a warm, friendly, compassionate and lovely human being that you wouldn’t have met otherwise.

The right dating patterns focus on open your mind and becoming a better communicator. If you master these essentials, you’ll find yourself assessing encounters much more adequately. You will also get many opportunities that wouldn’t have become available otherwise. Break out of what feels comfortable and safe. Leaving your comfort zone is the best way to start changing your life and discovering meaningful things.

Guest blog by Tony Swan

Piña Colada brings dating back to real life by connecting groups of six like-minded singles over great food in San Francisco’s best restaurants. When you connect with someone at a Piña Colada group dinner date, take them on a second date 1:1. Here are some of our favorite second date ideas in the San Francisco Bay Area. What are yours?

An intimate concert at Stow Lake Boathouse in Golden Gate Park. The lake is also beautiful during the day and you can rent boats there.

Visiting the Good Vibrations Vibrator Antique Museum.

Hiking up Twin Peaks to enjoy the sunset.

Watching a Star Wars movie in the theatre.

Eating your way through the Off the Grid street food vendors and sitting by the fire pits.

Visiting After Dark at the Exploratorium.

Hiking the Lands End Trail followed by a picnic in the Presidio.

Singing along in the Castro Theatre.

A glass of wine at sunset on the ferry to Oakland.

Strolling around the Alameda flea and antique market. It’s held on the first Sunday of every month.

Playing bar games and arcade at Emporium.

Visiting Alcatraz. Enjoy the ferry ride, listen to the fascinating audio tour narrated by former inmates and wards and stroll around the island’s beautiful national park. In summer tickets sell out quickly, so make sure to reserve them online.

Watching the improv show “Your Fucked Up Relationship” at Stage Werx on a Friday night.

Hiking in Muir Woods.

Visiting the Walt Disney Family Museum to learn about your favorite childhood movies and the history of California.

Strolling around the Stanford University campus.

Swing dancing at “Lindy in the Park“? Twist and twirl through Golden Gate Park as you master the art of swing dancing. Free beginners lessons are available every Sunday from 12 to 12:30pm. Then stay and watch (or join in) with the pros until 2pm.

Watch a movie at the West Wind Drive-In in Concord.

Step back into the Wild West at Dublin Heritage Park.

Visiting one of the state’s oldest wineries at Testarossa.

Visiting the Glow in the Dark Black Light Art Show Open Reception in Alameda.

Checking out the food trucks Spark Social.

Visiting the San Francisco Zoo or Oakland Zoo.

Flying and jumping around at House of Air.

Listening to jazz music at Mr. Tipple’s.

Having a glass of wine at Hotel Biron.

Scanning the skies at Chabot Space Center in Oakland.

Having a drink at speakeasy Wilson & Wilson.

A sunset sightseeing flight with champagne.

Bouldering at Mission Cliffs.

A taco or burrito tour through the Mission District?

Hike through pines and eucalyptus trees in the Presidio to Inspiration Point, which offers views of Angel Island and Alcatraz on a clear day.

Relaxing at Onsen.

Taste chocolate at Charles Chocolates.

Watching an SF Giants baseball game.

Getting a tattoo at Black Heart Tattoo.

Renting a tandem and crossing Golden Gate Bridge together.

Playing virtual golf at Eagle Club Indoor Golf.

Bungee Jumping at Icarus Bungee.

Keeping it classical underground at Monroe.

Go on a Sidewalk Tastes app-guided food tour through your favorite San Francisco neighborhoods. You’ll be guided point-to-point while tasting the city’s finest flavors without having to pull out your wallet. Simply show the app to receive your Taste. The app navigates you point-to-point and pairs cultural context with insights on your Tastes. You can go at your own pace and take any detours you like – you have all weekend to enjoy your Taste.

Photo by @maggieyomusic