How to Develop Great Dating Patterns

Did you know that one in 10 people face massive difficulties forming romantic relationships? According to experts, several key errors contribute to such problems.

The biggest error is thinking there’s just one person who is “the one” and trying to find that person. Unrealistic expectations can ruin even the most promising of dating experiences.

Poor conversation skills and the absence of honesty on those first dates also rank among those biggest errors.

We’ve all been guilty of such mistakes but breaking the routine isn’t that difficult. You’ll simply need to adopt a healthy, productive dating pattern that will help you make the most out of every single interaction. Here’s how to do it.

Approach Each Encounter with Confidence

The moment you stop trying to find personal faults is the moment you begin enjoying the dating process.

Yes, you’re not perfect. Nobody is. Accept your imperfections, recognize them but don’t let them dictate everything you do.

Every single person is worthy of love and happiness. If you don’t believe that you’re deserving, you’re not going to get the warmth and affection that you want.

If you need to, go through some therapy or self-discovery before you start dating again. Approaching dating with confidence is an absolute essential to make another person open up and see you for who you truly are.

Stop Looking for the Universal Formula

So many online articles and communities attempt to tell you exactly what you need to do, what the dating formula is. Past a certain age, relying on such formulaic approaches will only lead to mediocre experiences.

If you’re looking for dating advice, stop! If you want to be given the step-by-step guide for attracting your soulmate, close the book or stop watching the video.

Great dating patterns are highly personalized to the situation. In fact, there isn’t such a thing as a dating pattern and it can only harm your quest.

Open your mind and respond to the person you’re meeting. A communication style that works one time isn’t necessarily going to be optimal the second time around. Have fun with it and change your experience on the basis of the dynamics. Once you stop trying to follow a set of prescriptions, you’ll find yourself having so much fun.

Enhance Your Communication Skills

A person who isn’t a good communicator isn’t going to benefit from fulfilling and highly satisfying encounters with others.

Communication skills do tend to improve with experience but sometimes, a bit of conscious work will be required to overcome insecurities and introversion.

Go on a couple of casual dates and experiment with asking different questions. How do people respond? When are you crossing the line and becoming too intrusive? Are the inquiries helping you learn essentials about the other person?

As a general rule, you should keep it lighthearted but still engaging. Learn to ask open-ended questions instead of “yes or no” questions.

Instead of asking someone you’re meeting for the first time “do you like rock music,” try to ask “what kind of music do you like.” It’s easy to spot the difference between the two approaches and how the second one can get someone to open up.

Stop Dating the Same Kind of Person

Some dating patterns are really detrimental and damaging.

Going for the same type is one such damaging behavior.

Having a type is very superficial and it limits the scope of your potential matches. You’re refusing to give someone a chance because of an arbitrary set of criteria that you’ve put in place for one reason or another.

Even if someone doesn’t seem to be your ideal partner from the very beginning, do go on a date. You may actually be surprised by a warm, friendly, compassionate and lovely human being that you wouldn’t have met otherwise.

The right dating patterns focus on open your mind and becoming a better communicator. If you master these essentials, you’ll find yourself assessing encounters much more adequately. You will also get many opportunities that wouldn’t have become available otherwise. Break out of what feels comfortable and safe. Leaving your comfort zone is the best way to start changing your life and discovering meaningful things.

Guest blog by Tony Swan


Published by Kaliforniakati

Kati Schmidt leitet seit Dezember 2019 Growth & Campus Operations bei Course Hero. Mit einem MBA in Medienmanagement der Hamburg Media School im Gepäck stieg sie 2010 als eine der ersten Mitarbeiterinnen bei Hanse Ventures und in die deutsche Startup-Szene ein. 2011 wechselte sie zu Airbnb, um dort das Europageschäft aufzubauen. Kati leitete bei Airbnb den Bereich Public Policy für die DACH-Region und Griechenland. Als sie die Green Card in der Diversity Lottery gewann, wechselte sie mit einem kurzen Zwischenstopp in New York nach San Francisco in Airbnbs Headquarter. 2016 baute sie mit Experiences Airbnbs neues Trips-Standbein auf. Kati ist Startup-Mentorin beim German Accelerator und organisiert ehrenamtlich Changemaker Chats für Frauen in der Techindustrie. Gemeinsam mit Kristina Träger berichtet sie in ihrem Podcast Kristina, Kati, Kalifornia vom Leben und Gründen im Silicon Valley. In 2015 wurde sie als Young Leader der Atlantikbrücke ausgezeichnet.

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